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Monday, January 08, 2007

More cat-related activities

Sauci (to cat): Go find a mate! Go find a mate!
XL: Glitterbelt is here.
Sauci: Oh Glitterbelt! Glitterbelt, we need your penis!
Glitterbelt: Uuuuhh...
XL (heads back to her room): It's your cue to leave when Glitterbelt starts having sex with the cat.
Glitterbelt: Uhhhh, I'm allergic to cats.

************

Sauci (to cat): Have some catnip. Here you go, girl. Gets you high, makes you feel better.
(to me): The cat really wants to be fucked.

The feline is a harlot

Sauci: 'You don't want to have babies. trust me. you'll get fat and no one will like you. they'll be like, why are you an unwed mother? you're a harlot.'
(To a cat in heat)

****************

Sauci: Yes. Let the catnip release your horniness.
(presumably to the same cat)

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Stewie, master of irony

chachapuma: [referring to last blog post] wow, stewie hates everyone.
akapana: yeah, he's an equal opportunity racist.
chachapuma: how ironic.

Monday, December 18, 2006

Standard IM convo highlights

requisite racial/ethnic commentary:

stewie:
red head irish people here are so ugly
stewie: look like potoatoes with red mold on them

...

requisite violent fantasy:

stewie: ive always wanted to use a hammer and claw someone's eye out and dig the hammerhook into some guys socket

Friday, December 15, 2006

All evidence *clearly* suggests that they don't have opposable thumbs

stewie: omg, i hate these affirmative action hires
stewie: have you seen that fat security guard who walks like this? [walks like an obese penguin]
stewie: he shuffles

...

stewie: sometimes i wonder if they have opposable thumbs
akapana: haha. that wasn't horrible or anything.
stewie: no, seriously. i asked her to open the door for me and she wouldn't do it

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Maybe he got thrown off by the "And a whip that cracks" line

stewie: hey what kind of song is this?
akapana: what do you mean?
stewie
: are you listening to black plantation slave music?
akapana: no. this is "up on the rooftop".
stewie: are you sure?
akapana: it's a pretty classic christmas song.
stewie:
never mind.

the sound of Silence

Chachapuma: Silence doesn't like salt, or sugar.
Akapana: Or sex. Which means she's evolutionarily designed to DIE.

Final exams email from Stewie

"I am doing worse right now than an affirmative action admit at UC Berkeley in computer science."

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

It was really plum sauce

sauci [pointing at wet spot on bed sheet, where akapana had wiped up fallen chinese food during eating-on-bed incident]: ewwww!
akapana: no, no, not what you think. we were eating chinese food and some spilled on the bed so i wiped it off.
sauci: oh. chinese food. kinky.
chachapuma: no really, it was plum sauce.
sauci [to akapana]: ohhhh. so that's what your people call it.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Glitter Belt

we call Silence's boyfriend 'Glitter Belt.'

Yes, he has one, and wears it. It's rainbow. We're taking bets as to whether this is actually a cover relationship.

Once, when Glitter Belt was drunk, Sauci asked, 'So Glitter Belt, how's your sex life?' He responded, 'Nonexistant.' Then he puked into the sink. For another 4 hours.

a girl who knows what she wants

Sauci: It's such a role reversal. He's so proper and polite. He's all like, may I have the honor of serving you some wasabi mashed potatoes? And I'm all like, no, but i will take a nice helping of your virginity, hottie.

We all love Lucy

XL: my boobs are different sizes --the left one's a C, and the right one's a D-- and their names reflect their different personalities. i named the right one one Lucy because she's cute and perky and gets me into trouble, and i named the left one Ethyl because she's saggy and ugly and follows Lucy around.

COMING SOON!: Stewie's Artwork Gallery

it's in the works. get excited.